When I Finally Let Myself Feel It: The Truth My Nervous System Was Waiting For

I’ve been diving deeper into my nervous system lately. 

It’s such a fascinating system. 

Last night, I heard a theory.

Some of us have lived with the low hum of an activated nervous system for so long that we don’t remember life without it. 

We don’t actually know who we are without the stress. 

Something about that felt incredibly relatable. 

Because no matter how much work I do within my nervous system, I can’t quite seem to calm it all the way down. 

I have a much better relationship with it now than I did previously in my life, but something about what I heard last night clicked in a way that said “this runs deeper than I realize”.

Then I came across a story. 

It was all about not trying to fix it. 

About not trying to analyze it. 

It said that if you wake up in the night – feel it. 

Let it be. 

I woke up at 2AM and I felt it. 

Everything felt heavy. 

This wasnt a new thing for me, but it felt like it was. 

Because this time- I woke up with that story on my brain. 

I laid there and I felt it. 

I didn’t analyze.

I didn’t fix. 

I didn’t fret over what was wrong. 

I just felt it. 

And then tears started to flow. 

They were a silent, unstoppable stream. 

I felt all the fear I still carry around. 

For so long I have convinced myself I am over this part. 

I have healed. 

But I have not. 

Because maybe this part isn’t asking to heal. 

Maybe it’s asking to be witnessed. 

Maybe fear isn’t the problem. 

Maybe pretending it isn’t there is. 

I had a thought- 

What if I spent time each day simply telling myself the truth? 

I’m afraid. 

Not all the time.

Not of everything. 

But of enough. 

Would honesty allow my nervous system to trust me? 

To relax? 

To let off some of this stored energy? 

This learned way of living? 

I laid with it and let it be. 

The tears fell. 

And while they fell I found myself in gratitude. 

Gratitude for having such a beautiful life right now. 

Gratitude for having so much love that it scares me. 

Gratitude for the entire journey. 

It feels like there is magic here. 

Deep within the nervous system. 

I kept replaying a piece of the story in my thoughts. 

“For the first time, he felt like he could put his feet on the ground.” 

It described the nervous system as having a floor.

A place beneath all of the activation. 

A place that was always there. 

When you finally reach it, it’s like putting your feet on solid ground for the first time. 

Once your nervous system understands that there are other options – it will search for grounding over old coping mechanisms that were built in fear and survival. 

And that changes everything. 

The hum starts to dull. 

The tension from your body starts to dissipate. 

By not trying to fix it, not trying to figure it out- you let it be. 

You let it show up exactly as is. 

You sit with it. 

You let it be okay.

You slow your breathing. 

You remind yourself 

And you will be okay. 

If I just lay here- 

If I just breathe – 

If I just let it be, something will change. 

The tears slowed and then stopped. 

Marco stirred and reached for my hand. 

Penny snuggled up to me. 

What a beautiful thing to have moments of complete overwhelm because love runs so deeply. 

What a beautiful problem to have. 

That made me laugh. 

That made me grateful. 

That allowed me to fall asleep and stay asleep effortlessly the rest of the night. 

Maybe the goal was never to stop feeling. 

Maybe it was simply to stop running from it. 

Maybe…

I really am onto something here. 

Reflection Questions: 

• What emotion have you been trying to fix instead of simply feeling?
• When was the last time you let yourself tell the truth about what you’re afraid of? 
• What might your nervous system be trying to show you instead of asking you to solve? 
• If you stopped fighting the feeling for one moment, what do you think would happen? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: