What If This Isn’t A Lazy Day? 

Some days I wake up and find that I have processed so hard that I feel like I have nothing left in me for the day. 

Today is one of those days. 

I used to hate days like today because I was looking at it from the completely wrong lens. 

I saw it as wasted time. 

No energy.

Exhaustion. 

Worthlessness. 

I would let my brain spiral into all the things I want to do but don’t do. 

All the things that I have let slide. 

All the things that I don’t have enough knowledge for. 

Don’t have enough energy for. 

Time for. 

Pretty soon, my day is filled with negative emotions and thoughts. 

Frustration floods my system. 

Feelings of inadequacy rise. 

Any place I am weak, surfaces. 

Now today, of all days- feels like the worst day possible for these feelings to show themselves. 

I have no energy for this. 

More frustration floods. 

Frustration at myself.

At every excuse I’ve ever made.  

At everything and everyone around me. 

Blame doesn’t care who’s responsible. It just wants somewhere to land. 

I used to throw my emotions around unintentionally. 

I didn’t understand anything that was happening because my focus was entirely on what and where I was lacking.

Yet, I didn’t want to take responsibility. 

I didn’t want to acknowledge it. 

I didn’t want to hear it. 

I was tired. 

I wanted to be tired. 

I wanted nothing. 

Just a free flowing day of nothing. 

But what I could never see back then- was that I wasn’t allowing myself a free flowing day. 

By not taking moments to check in with myself

to hear myself

to allow myself honest moments with myself…

I was actually keeping myself stuck in the negative loop. 

I wasn’t allowing myself to face what I needed to face. 

I wasn’t allowing myself any celebration of all that had changed. 

All that had been processed. 

All that I now was.

Instead I let the fear of the unknown in and I allowed it to take over. 

I allowed it to bully me. 

I allowed it to push away my external world. 

I allowed it to isolate me internally. 

To take over. 

This was an inside job. 

Today I woke up and registered all of these things. 

I took time to breathe

To pull cards

To lay on the floor and feel the emotions

To hear the thoughts

To listen and understand what was happening

All I ever needed was moments of honesty within. 

All I ever needed was space to breathe, to listen. 

To be with myself. 

Saying it like that makes me wonder why I thought I didn’t have the time or the space to give myself that. 

How did I veer onto this path of coping?

Right now, at this moment- I can’t say that I know how I got here. 

But I can tell you that how I did isn’t really what’s important here. 

What’s important here is what I am going to do with it now that I know. 

Will I continue to choose the things that hurt me?

Or will I grasp more to this new understanding of what is real in these moments? 

Surely not the thoughts that run in my head. 

The emotions that swirl in my body. 

What is real is my breath. 

My heart beating. 

The blood moving through my veins. 

The oxygen swirling through my body. 

Will I give myself moments of presence? 

Will I allow myself time to check in? 

To celebrate? 

To acknowledge all the work that happens in the moments that feel like this? 

Will I surrender to the stories? 

Or will I rise to the truth? 

Reflection Questions: 

• What happens inside of you when you have nothing left to give? 
• Where does your mind go when your body asks you to rest? 
• What have you already grown through that you’ve never paused to celebrate? 
• If today didn’t need to be productive, what might it be inviting you to notice? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: