Loving Myself Here

I talked a while back about how I let myself fall off of a lot of my healthy habits.

The same habits that kept me from rollercoastering with my weight and my mental health. 

They just didn’t feel sustainable anymore. 

My mind was overpowering my will. 

Tricking me into thinking that I didn’t need to prioritize these things anymore.

Or maybe it was telling me a truth.

Maybe the truth was that the way I had been doing things wasn’t working for me anymore. 

My body started feeling different, and it wasn’t responding to these habits the way that it had. 

At least, not the way that I was doing them. 

So I made a decision that I thought sounded amazing, but I knew that a part of me would regret. 

I stopped everything. 

I ate everything. 

I let the weight come back on. 

I let myself get to the point that I was uncomfortable in my own skin again. 

Part of me felt like I needed to. 

The biggest part that told me that was the part that saw myself in the mirror and still reacted negatively. 

I wasn’t appreciating who I was. 

I wasn’t able to see who I was. 

Not consistently. 

So now, here I am. 

Back in a body that part of me believes I shouldn’t feel good in. 

But this time I am doing it differently. 

I am learning to love myself more deeply here. 

I am pulling back the layers. 

I am remembering how hard it is to get back to being consistent. 

I am remembering how hard it is to even get started. 

Intentionally. 

Because this time is different. 

This time I’m going to figure out how to love myself in the mirror every day, in every way. 

Not when I lose the weight. 

Not when my clothes fit differently. 

Not when I feel like I’ve earned it. 

Now. 

This time I am sealing in everything. 

And celebrating every day. 

This time I am finding my way back, not for anybody else –  

but me. 

Reflection Questions

• Have you ever made loving yourself conditional on becoming a different version of yourself? 
• What are you waiting to change before you allow yourself to feel good about who you are? 
• What would taking care of yourself look like if it came from love instead of dissatisfaction? 
• Can you want something different for yourself without believing there is something wrong with who you are right now? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: