I Stopped Grieving the Past 

It’s wildly bittersweet, looking back at life. 

There are so many moments that I loved, that I would have kept forever if I could have. 

But I couldn’t.

People grow up. 

Things change. 

And all of a sudden- 

I’m here. 

Looking back. 

This slow feeling creeps in.

It feels a lot like missing something or someone. 

Whatever it was that brought me back to this memory-

It wasn’t to relive the great moments. 

No.

We weren’t here for the parts that made it so special. 

We’re here to revisit everything that will never be again.

A moment of sadness turns into a wave of grief. 

And just like that, 

                  It pulls me under. 

Memories are tricky like that. 

They slide in so quietly, and then completely take over. 

Memories and unconscious energy intertwine. 

Creating emotions that need to be freed. 

But I couldn’t free them.

Not then. 

But I could free them now. 

I let the feelings surface. 

I knew what was there. 

But this time there was no judgment. 

There was no audience. 

Nothing personal attached to it. 

They were just there. 

And I heard them. 

Loud and clear. 

Now I sit with anything that surfaces. 

And when it does, I let it be true. 

The romanticized memories, the ones that break my heart, the ones that make me laugh until I cry- 

I let them all be true. 

I feel the moment.

I allow myself to be present in the memory. 

And then, I allow myself to come home. 

Home to right now. 

I stopped grieving the past when I allowed myself to enjoy the present.

I didn’t have to stop loving what had been. 

I didn’t have to make those moments mean less. 

I just stopped needing to live inside of them. 

And somehow, that allowed me to look back with more love. 

I could remember the good without immediately mourning the fact that it was over. 

I could stop wishing I had done things differently. 

I could accept what had been for what it was. 

And maybe- most surprisingly, I could finally see that I had done a much better job than I had ever given myself credit for. 

I was looking back at past versions of myself with everything I know now and judging them for not knowing it then. 

Presence softened that. 

It allowed me to see the person I was with more compassion. 

To recognize the ways I loved, tried, learned, showed up, and kept going.

The past didn’t need to be fixed. 

It didn’t need to be relived.

It could simply be something I had lived. 

Something I had loved. 

Something that helped bring me here. 

And the more conscious energy I put into being here, actually here, the lighter I feel. 

More connected. 

More peaceful. 

More present. 

Presence didn’t make the past matter less. 

It finally allowed the past to just be something I loved. 

Reflection Questions

• What memories do you find yourself revisiting the most often?
• When you revisit them, are you remembering them – or grieving that they’re gone?
• Is there anything about the past you’re still wishing you had done differently?
• What becomes possible when you allow yourself to enjoy the life that is here now? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: