We Choose the Story.

We always have a choice. 

I didn’t believe that until something happened and I couldn’t unsee it. 

Now it was everywhere. 

The truth. 

We always have a choice. 

It happened to me when I was in an argument with my partner. 

I was 100% convinced that I was completely right and he was completely wrong. 

Nothing would change until he changed. 

And then my friend used my words back at me. 

“Why are you choosing this?”

I wasn’t choosing it. 

That’s exactly where my thoughts and feelings went. 

I wanted to scream. 

I felt crazy. 

How could she say that? 

And then, she said, 

“Sucks on that side doesn’t it? It’s fun over here being you though.”

She laughed and it broke my spell. 

She was right. 

I did have a choice. 

I was choosing the path that caused me the most resistance, the most friction, the most unhappiness. 

In fact, I couldn’t even SEE another path until she said that. 

The emotional chaos started to dissipate. 

Clarity started to roll in. 

My reactions, my thoughts, my emotions, had been blurring the lines.

I knew she was right. 

I knew that I had to see myself more clearly instead of honing in on him. 

That didn’t make what he was doing right. 

It just meant that I had a part in what was happening, too. 

It was hard, but the more awareness I put into trying to change my own response, the more we were both able to do things differently. 

The more we both got what we actually wanted. 

The more we both started finding our way to better paths, better thoughts, healthier reactions. 

And then one day, we realized – 

We don’t ever fight like that anymore. 

We don’t find ourselves feeling lost, feeling hopeless, completely defeated or broken anymore. 

The other day, we were driving down the road and hit construction. 

“Lane closed up ahead.”

That’s when an erratic driver jumped out of the line- passed a few cars and cut back in. 

I saw the familiar irritation rise in his face. 

He was triggered. 

I could almost see him choosing the story. 

This driver is a POS. 

An absolute piece of trash.

No respect for anyone out here. 

Just another selfish, terrible driver that is a danger to us all. 

I could feel him thinking of every time he’s ever been in this place. 

I hated it. 

I hated the energy that was now in our car. 

I hated the effect that it had on his mood. 

I hated how it turned him into an angry driver. 

I don’t feel safe in those situations. Ever. 

We’ve had this conversation in arguments. 

Tons of them. 

We’ve had this conversation from places of love. 

We have tried and tried to break through this in so many ways. 

But I was always left feeling like it was an impossible bridge to cross. 

Except I had been working on my own responses. 

I had been working on how to not take that energy on. 

How to keep it from affecting me. 

How to keep myself from being swept up by the energy he was bringing into our car. 

To him, it wasn’t his fault. 

It was the driver’s fault. 

But this time, something finally broke through differently. 

This time, we were both able to see something new. 

We have a choice when someone cuts us off.

We have a choice in how we respond. 

The truth is, it doesn’t matter what the truth is. 

If that driver is just a terrible human that doesn’t care about any of us – it doesn’t matter. 

It doesn’t matter if the driver just got terrible news and is rushing to be where they need to be. 

It doesn’t matter if the dog got loose, the kids were a disaster, they are late for work, and they are just having themselves a morning. 

Maybe they were born into a world of chaos and they are always unknowingly rushing and worrying. 

The reason does not matter because the reason will never be known. 

If we choose to be angry at them or give them grace, neither decision will give us an answer about who was right and who was wrong. 

We will most likely never even see-  or realize that we are seeing – that same car or person again. .

The only thing that our choice changes, is us. 

Our moods. 

Our trip. 

Our energy. 

So many times, something like this would happen and we would go from having a great time to fighting with each other. 

Our choices were destroying the energy in our car. 

And that person who cut the line? 

They just kept moving.

Completely unbeknownst to them, an entire story was unfolding inside our car. 

That was the part I could finally see. 

We weren’t choosing what happened. 

We were choosing the story of what happened. 

We were filling in the blanks.

Assigning the motive. 

Deciding what it meant. 

Creating an entire narrative around the tiny piece of information we actually had. 

And then living inside of it as though we knew it was true. 

That question had stayed with me for years. 

My friend had simply taken my own words and turned them back toward me: 

“Why are you choosing this?” 

I didn’t fully understand what that question meant back then. 

I just knew I couldn’t unsee the fact that I had a choice. 

And now, sitting in that car all these years later, another piece of it finally landed. 

I had been so focused on what someone else was doing that I couldn’t see what I was creating for myself. 

And now I was watching the same thing happen in our car. 

Why choose the outcome that makes you the most upset? 

Why choose the story that destroys the energy of your adventure? 

Logic. 

Statistics. 

Excuses. 

Reasons why this story is probably the right one. 

None of it changes the only thing we actually have control over. 

What we choose next. 

Because sometimes, without even realizing it, we choose the version of the story that hurts us the most. 

That doesn’t mean we have to convince ourselves that everyone has good intentions or makes excuses for people who hurt us. 

It means we get to decide what their actions are allowed to create inside of us. 

We get to decide what comes with us into the next moment. 

Because what we choose to tell ourselves becomes our experience. 

Our energy. 

Our present. 

And, eventually, our future. 

It wasn’t about the driver anymore. 

It was about the choice. 

Why choose the thing that makes you frustrated, annoyed, angry, or upset when the truth is something you may never know? 

Why is it so important to be “right” about a story you created when being right costs you your peace? 

This time, it landed differently for both of us. 

We could both see it in ways we previously hadn’t. 

We saw something that challenged beliefs we had held for years. 

I felt the energy shift and I knew- 

Something had begun to unravel. 

To process. 

To shift. 

More opportunities would come. 

More conversations would happen. 

We would get more chances to choose differently. 

But this time, we had seen the choice. 

And once you see it, it feels impossible to unsee. 

Reflection Questions

• Where in your life are you filling in the blanks and treating the story you created as though you know it is true? 
• If you stopped trying to determine who was right and instead asked, “What do I want this moment to create inside of me?” – what would you choose differently? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: