The Truth Beneath The Comfort

I mentioned a while back that I had gained some weight back. 

I honestly was struggling a lot with quitting the THC and I went back to food to fill the void. 

I also stopped walking every day. 

I didn’t want to go to the gym anymore. 

Every part of my body was struggling. 

I just wanted comfort. 

I just wanted calm. 

I just wanted to sit, eat and let this pass. 

But then one day I realized that this isn’t going to just pass. 

There were going to be enough moments that didn’t feel good and once again, something would shift within me. 

I would crave change more than I craved comfort. 

In those moments, I found myself beating myself up. 

I heard my thoughts wishing that I didn’t let myself sit for so long. 

I found myself blaming the food. 

Blaming my brain. 

Blaming my body. 

Those moments I missed THC even more. 

I missed my escape. 

I resented my new reality. 

I felt fat and bored yet craved food and calm. 

I was torn between everything I felt that I wanted because none of it was in alignment with each other. 

It all felt conflicted and impossible inside.

What I needed was a moment of honesty.

I needed a moment to sit and breathe. 

Without the food. 

Without the distractions. 

A moment just with my breath. 

I did want calm, but the calm I was giving myself wasn’t what I needed. 

I needed this. 

A moment to sit with my body- with my mind- with my soul. 

Not to judge it. 

Not to torment it. 

To hear it. 

To listen. 

I needed nourishment and movement. 

When I looked in the mirror I needed love, to see myself through my own eyes- with nothing but love. 

Instead of hating what I saw and telling myself that I look awful, I needed to put something on that made me feel empowered. 

Something that made me feel good. 

Something that made me feel like me. 

I recognized how much I still beat myself up in unproductive ways. 

I recognized the thoughts that I give myself – the ones that would never fall on anyone else but me. 

I saw the moments of frozen fear that were keeping me stuck. 

I saw it all. 

All the things that were still deep within. 

All the things that were still running my system in my unconscious energy. 

All the things that I was craving to let go of, while clinging to them. 

I took a breath. 

I let it out. 

I let my shoulders relax a little deeper. 

I let the tension roll off of my body. 

Now that I could see it, I could change it. 

Now that I could see it, I could accept it. 

Now that I could see it- I would never unsee it. 

I would see it with more ease and clarity in my reactions and in my inactions. 

I would recognize it and connect with it more deeply going forward. 

That meant that now, every moment- every day, from this point on- I could grow it. 

I could grow it in the direction that I wanted it to go. 

Now every time it appears, I find more kindness. 

Calm is more stillness within – giving myself time to process the honesty that arises. 

Food is nourishment, enjoyment – a balance of worlds. 

My body is strong. My thoughts are loving. My words are kind. 

I see it all differently now because I allowed myself the time and the space to truly see what wasn’t changing – why these lessons kept coming back to me. 

And I allowed myself to dive. 

Reflection Questions: 

• What have you been using to find comfort? 
• Is it truly giving you what you need? 
• If you sat with yourself for one honest moment, what do you think you would hear? 
• What is one small way you can honor that truth today?