I Was Still Thinking Like A Beginner

Sometimes, I get so lost in the patterns that I miss what has already changed. 

I know I am not alone here. 

We all have our own reasons for why we don’t give ourselves the time and space to recognize our accomplishments. 

A lot of the time, we’re just so busy that we miss them. 

My mind was busy finding the patterns I hadn’t found yet. 

But then something happened. 

First it was a bad dream. 

I woke up and the dream felt really real. 

Before – that would have rocked me and I would have been analyzing that to death. Giving it real energy and allowing it to offset my day. 

But this time, I was able to sit with it and see it differently. 

This time I wasn’t trying to figure it out or fix anything. 

This time, I was simply letting it exist. 

It happened. 

I heard it. 

I saw it. 

I let the feelings come. 

And then, I let them pass. 

I gave them space. 

I gave them time. 

I allowed them to have a moment. 

And a moment was all it needed. 

Then I noticed it when someone said something that felt a little snarky. 

I felt the spike of energy as my system alerted me to danger- 

But once again, I was able to let it exist. 

Instead of moving with the wave of energy- I simply let it be there. 

I heard it. 

I felt it. 

I acknowledged that my system didn’t like that snarky comment. 

But I also acknowledged that I didn’t really know if it was a snarky comment. 

My system wanted to keep me safe by making it personal. 

But what if it wasn’t personal? 

I know now that it usually isn’t.

It’s almost always about something deeper within. 

And then, because I gave it a moment without reacting to it- just like the dream, the moment allowed it to pass. 

It allowed me to settle. 

It allowed me to check in with myself just long enough to recalibrate. 

It allowed me a moment to remember who I am right now. 

How I presently respond to this type of communication. 

And it reminded me that it’s not about me. 

What I was hearing as snark could have been coming from something deeper within them. 

Taking a moment allowed me to hear them too. 

It allowed me time to restructure my thoughts. 

My defense system had wanted to make it personal. 

My heart wanted to help.

My soul wanted a peaceful path for both of us. 

And something happened at that moment. 

When I didn’t respond, the person with the comment I originally deemed as snarky-  

They felt that. 

It allowed them to also take a moment to take in how that sounded. 

How that felt. 

They registered that their approach wasn’t getting them any closer to what they were looking for. 

The room changed. 

The snark was gone. 

We continued on- energy restored. 

In the past- my defensive side would have responded back, quickly – which would have stolen that moment from both of us. 

It most likely would have escalated – or amplified the energy. 

It most likely wouldn’t have settled, and even if it did- we’d still be left with the lingering feeling of internal war. 

Whether we admitted it was there or not. 

It would be there. 

It would move down into the unconscious energy while we pretended everything was fine. 

We would have never known the influence that moment just had within us. 

Something small could become a belief. 

It could become a point of contention. 

And those small moments, they change us in big ways. 

All those little moments we stuff down and pretend away- build. 

Pretty soon those little moments are what run the background we aren’t privy to. 

And then we find ourselves making moves that don’t align with us. 

Creating misalignment within. 

Our system keeps us in what it thinks is safe, and our mind tells us that it all feels wrong. 

Things feel off. 

But we can’t ever seem to quite put our finger on what is wrong. 

Because all of it is wrong. 

I Breealized it’s in these small moments that the biggest changes are made. 

One small moment to breathe, to remember – changed everything. 

Not just for me. 

For both of us. 

For everyone involved. 

If these small moments could influence so much, what else had I been failing to see? 

I started to notice it in all of my moments. 

The things that I had changed. 

The way that the energy flowed with me instead of against me. 

More things felt good. 

Connection felt deeper, stronger – more of what I was looking for. 

Life felt better. 

I felt better. 

I had been doing this all along. 

Consistently learning

Applying

Changing. 

Yet I was still thinking like I was a beginner. 

Like nothing had really changed. 

But everything had changed. 

I changed.

This whole time, I had been setting myself free.

Now that I gave myself the time and the space to see it, to celebrate it- 

I could own it. 

Reflection Questions

• Where have you been so focused on what still needs to change that you’ve missed what already has? 
• Think of a recent moment when you responded differently than the old version of you would have. 
• What does that moment show you about who you are now? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: