Twenty Years Of Not Knowing How

Twenty years ago, I woke up today and didn’t know that I was going to be having a baby in a few hours. 

I had a doctor’s appointment and a day planned around it with my mom. 

I knew something was happening, but I didn’t know what. 

I had just turned 19. 

I had no idea how I was going to be a mom or how I was going to figure it out. 

All I knew was that the love I had for that baby I had yet to meet- was undeniable. 

I loved him more than I loved life itself. 

And then he was here. 

I was holding him in my arms – looking at his perfect little face. 

His beautiful little fingers wrapped around mine. 

I didn’t know how I would do it, but I knew that I would.

That girl didn’t know anything that was going to come her way, but she knew that no matter what, she would love that little boy. 

That little boy is a 20 year old man now. 

And honestly, I couldn’t be more proud of him. 

Looking back at who I was before I had him, and who I became because he was in my life- it’s beautiful. 

What a beautiful story. 

What a beautiful journey. 

If I could go back and tell that 19 year old girl anything, I think I’d tell her: 

It all works out. 

It’s all okay. 

You do better than you ever dreamed you could, and he becomes more than you ever dreamed he could be. 

Don’t take it all so seriously. 

Be in it now. 

Be present. 

Enjoy it. 

Because you absolutely love being his mom. 

And while you’ll be his mom forever, this part goes by so fast. 

Twenty years ago, I didn’t know how I was going to do any of it. 

Turns out, I didn’t need to. 

It is my constant reminder that you don’t always need to know the how. 

Sometimes, all you need to know is why. 

Reflection Question

• Looking back at your own story, can you think of a moment when you were panicking about the how– only for it to work out better than you imagined? 
  • Take a moment to really let that sink in. You didn’t know how then either. And it still worked out. 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: