Unconditionally.
Yesterday I went to the gym and I fell in love with TRX all over again.
I didn’t mean to.
I went in sure I was going to do something, but very unsure of what.
Yesterday I was feeling the energy and wanted to listen to where my body took me.
I was surprised that it took me straight to TRX.
TRX = Total Resistance Exercises
If you’ve never done it – Ooh let me tell you.
It’s suspension training, so you use your body weight and gravity as the resistance.
I trained in TRX at a gym I worked at, but left shortly after- and didn’t use it again after that.
I was traveling a lot and it wasn’t until yesterday that I found myself standing in front of it once again.
There were only 2 people working out.
I could do whatever I wanted.
I love getting weird in the gym.
Just doing whatever feels good.
I picked up the straps and got lost in them.
And then, I squatted down and I remembered what body I am currently in.
I immediately became aware of the other people in the gym.
Self-conscious emotions flooded my system.
Suddenly 2 people felt like 1000.
I stood up.
Rocked out of my trance.
This wasn’t the first time I felt this way, but this was the first time I was aware in this way.
I was seeing my patterns here.
That’s why I was back here, right?
To figure out this part?
To understand it enough to be able to see it another way?
I closed my eyes and drowned out the people, the gym – everything other than TRX and me.
I reached out and slipped my fingers around the straps.
I focused on my breathing.
On my body.
I stopped judging and I listened.
I squatted down to the ground.
My hips have been letting me know that it’s time to release what I’ve been holding here.
The support of TRX allows me to get into the somatic side of exercise so beautifully.
I got lost in how good it felt.
For the first time in – I couldn’t even tell you how long- my hips felt open.
They felt like they could move.
They felt strong.
TRX made that possible in ways I had only been dreaming about.
I fell in love.
This time, I knew- I would stay.
I would learn everything I could about TRX and how to use it with what I am building.
With what I am learning.
There’s always a new layer.
A new way to try.
A new perspective to see.
I was in my zone from that moment on.
Nothing mattered to me but how incredible this felt to my body.
There wasn’t a single cell that didn’t enjoy that moment.
I almost missed it because I was worried about what I assumed other people might think of me.
But then I remembered, that’s what I’m doing this all for, right?
To be a leader for the people learning to feel free in their own skin.
Free to learn.
Free to love.
Free to want more to life than what meets the eye.
If I can’t do it – why do I expect anyone else to?
I took a big breath in and let it out.
I felt all the tension and pressure melt off of my shoulder blades.
That’s when I heard it.
“Your body doesn’t deserve conditions.”
That hit me hard.
“Your body doesn’t deserve conditions.”
I was in charge of giving myself permission to feel good – and I didn’t even realize it.
I was unintentionally giving my body permission, conditionally.
Permission to be seen.
Permission to move freely.
Permission to take up space.
Permission to simply exist exactly as it was.
And I was doing this in every part of my life in some way, shape or form.
Waiting for some condition to be met before I gave myself permission to fully experience what was already available to me.
There would always be another condition.
I could see it now from a new lens.
I would never unsee this again.
Life changed in the gym that day.
TRX and me.
We changed things.
Reflection Questions
- What have you been making conditional?
- What are you waiting to become, have or change before you give yourself permission to feel good?
- What are you unintentionally withholding permission from yourself to do, feel, or experience right now?
- What would change if you gave yourself that permission today?
Watch the Convo that inspired the Reflection here: