I Don’t Study Human Behavior to Understand Criminals. I Study It to Understand People. 

There are people who become fascinated by human behavior because they enjoy psychology. 

And then there are people who study it because, at some point, understanding people felt like survival. 

I fall into both categories. 

When I was seven, something happened in a small town close enough to me to completely change the way I saw the world. 

A little girl had been murdered by someone her family trusted. 

I didn’t fully understand what had happened. 

What I understood was that suddenly the adults around me were scared. 

But the confusion had actually started before that. 

There was once a grown man we would occasionally be around. 

The adults all seemed perfectly comfortable talking to him. 

Laughing with him. 

Being around him. 

Yet somehow all of the kids knew we weren’t supposed to be alone with him. 

No one explained why. 

I just knew there was a rule. 

As a child, none of that made sense to me. 

If he wasn’t safe…

Why was everyone acting like everything was normal?

If adults could tell…

How was I supposed to learn? 

Then the murder happened. 

Until then, I didn’t even know adults could intentionally hurt children. 

That realization shifted something within me. 

I became a watcher. 

I started paying attention to people. 

I watched body language. 

Conversations. 

Expressions. 

Patterns. 

I snuck crime documentaries and newspaper articles whenever I could because I wanted answers that no one was giving me. 

How do you know who to trust? 

How do people become dangerous? 

Can you see it before it happens? 

Those questions never left me. 

My hearing loss made everything more interesting. 

I wasn’t always catching every word of a conversation. 

So I became incredibly observant of energy. 

I learned to watch people just as much as I listened to them. 

Sometimes more. 

Eventually, that curiosity led me to study forensic psychology. 

I absolutely loved my psychology courses. 

I earned A’s because I couldn’t get enough. 

Understanding people never felt like work. 

It felt like finally learning the language I’d been trying to understand since I was seven. 

But life had other plans. 

The required classes drained the excitement. 

Some professors taught from obligation instead of passion. 

Then came a teacher whose behavior eventually became the reason I left the program altogether. 

Looking back, I realize something else was happening beneath the surface. 

I didn’t believe I deserved help. 

I was deeply insecure about my hearing loss. 

I spent more energy trying to convince myself and everyone else that it wasn’t affecting me than admitting when I needed support. 

So instead of speaking up- 

I stayed quiet. 

I transferred schools. 

Years later that school became known for taking advantage of students financially. 

It happened to me too. 

At the time, I didn’t know how to fight back. 

I didn’t know what resources existed. 

I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. 

I thought speaking up meant ruining someone’s life. 

So I didn’t. 

Years later… 

Former students came together. 

The truth came out. 

We won. 

Full reimbursements. 

It felt so good to stand up for myself that I appealed the other school too. 

Funny how life works. 

The opportunities I wasn’t ready to fight for then…

Found their way back once I was. 

That experience taught me something that I’ll never forget. 

Standing up for yourself isn’t the same as trying to hurt someone else. 

You can tell the truth without carrying revenge. 

You can have difficult conversations without wanting someone to suffer. 

If someone has consequences because of choices they made… 

Those consequences belong to them. 

Not you. 

Sometimes loving people means allowing them to experience the consequences that teach them what we never could. 

That lesson became even more important as I got older. 

Unfortunately, the difficult experiences didn’t stop after childhood. 

I found myself in situations where people I trusted- or complete strangers – crossed boundaries they never should have. 

For a while I believed maybe I could prevent it. 

Maybe if I gained weight… 

Maybe if I dressed differently…

Maybe if I became quieter.

Kinder. 

Less noticeable. 

Invisible. 

But eventually I realized something heartbreaking. 

Someone looking to take advantage of another person isn’t making that decision because of the other person’s value. 

They’re making it because of something unresolved within themselves. 

That realization changed everything. 

And maybe that’s why I am so fascinated by patterns. 

Not because I believe we can predict every person. 

We can’t. 

But because I do believe we can become aware of ourselves. 

I believe we can notice the thoughts we repeat. 

The fears we inherit. 

The stories we tell. 

The reactions we practice until they become automatic. 

Those are patterns. 

And patterns can change. 

Once I understood that, my purpose changed too. 

For years I imagined sitting across from serial killers. 

Trying to understand what created them. 

Today…

I think the bigger impact happens much earlier. 

I think change happens long before someone commits an unthinkable crime. 

It happens in ordinary conversations. 

In the judgments we casually make. 

The need to control people because we’re afraid. 

The comments we make without realizing who’s listening.  

The way we avoid looking inward. 

Those moments shape people. 

They shape families. 

They shape communities. 

They shape generations. 

I’ve come to believe that understanding human behavior isn’t about becoming suspicious of everyone. 

It’s about becoming aware of ourselves.

Because the person we have the greatest ability to change…

Is the one staring back at us in the mirror. 

And maybe that’s where real prevention begins. 

Not with fear. 

Not with revenge. 

But with enough self-awareness to interrupt the patterns before they ever become someone else’s pain. 

Reflection: 

• What experiences first made you question how people behave? 
• Have you ever mistaken staying quiet for keeping the peace?
• Where are you still carrying responsibility for someone else’s choices? 
• What pattern could end with you? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here:

Ps- This one felt really scary to post for some reason…

And when things are scary- I choose science every time.

So today I told myself to post it and find out what I was afraid of.

<3