DAY 9: 

MANTRA: “The only way to fail is to give up.”

I have come to terms with the fact that excuses are just going to be easier some days. 

This time of my life isn’t about picking the easier path. 

It’s about leaning all into the resistance and the hard things. 

Some days the excuses are going to feel like the smarter move, but I’ve never been here to do the easy things. 

My life, my story- is proof of that. 

I think that for so long, I focused on everything that weighed me down and wore me out so heavily that I searched for easy ways through the day. 

I was exhausted. 

I needed a break. 

That mentality kept me burning out and begging life for easier paths. 

It was always within me to change course. 

I just didn’t know that then. 

I honestly thought that I didn’t have a choice in anything. I was living day to day in survival mode just trying to make it through the day. 

Just trying to handle everything on my plate. 

Just trying to do half a decent job when I felt torn between it all.

The majority of my time went to trying to make it and doing things that I was obligated to do, not that I wanted to do. 

I didn’t feel like I had any time for myself. 

Then I started waking up early and instead of thinking about it, I put my feet on the floor and I put myself into action. 

My thoughts aren’t allowed in until everything I need in my morning is done. 

Then I can decide what I want to do with the rest of my morning. 

I had time all along, I just wasn’t willing to make sacrifices. 

I wasn’t willing to stick to routines that enhance my life because I didn’t have any real understanding of just how important it was. 

I knew that I liked when I did these things, but on the days that I didn’t want to do it- even if I still did it anyway, my mental anguish ran deep. 

I kept myself thinking the same miserable thoughts and allowed myself to feel like I “just couldn’t shake it”. 

I couldn’t shake it because I was thinking the whole time about how much I hated it. How cold it was. How much I’d rather be in bed. Dreading work. Dreading bills. Dreading the day. Dreaming of the moment that I could get off work and get messed up and escape for a moment. 

I sacrificed my sleep and my health to get drunk. 

I couldn’t keep a schedule because drinking and staying up late made me feel like garbage the next morning. 

My already vulnerable mental health didn’t stand a chance in that state of being. 

On top of all of that, my body hurt all the time. The way that I was living was making it hurt even more, but I couldn’t see that then. 

I could only see all of the things that I hated about my life, and drinking seemed like the only thing getting me through it. 

It was what brought out the fun part of my life. 

I was completely unaligned back then and I couldn’t even see it. 

To find my way here, I had to make choices. 

I quit drinking for a year to see where it would lead me. 

I had every intention of going back to it after a year but one year came and went and I had even less of a desire to drink. 

Now I am three years in and I can’t even imagine a life where I would want to drink like that ever again. 

Giving up alcohol created so much space for the beautiful things that I was craving. I had no idea how much I was missing out on by keeping alcohol around. 

I still have moments where a glass of wine sounds incredible to my mind- but in my body it’s a different story. 

Just thinking about it makes me queasy and I can feel all the sugar rotting in my gut.

It was absolute havoc on my system for so long. 

Now it’s all about doing the opposite. 

Instead of running away I run straight into the discomfort. 

Instead of letting my thoughts and emotions run the show, I put myself into action. 

I work through all the pain. 

I sharpen my awareness and open up my mind. 

I greet my thoughts, understand where they come from and decide whether they are serving me or not. 

If they are not, I reroute them to something that does. 

I love myself through it. 

I started leaning into the idea that this is what life is all about. 

Challenging, and changing yourself is truly how to care for yourself. 

Taking away all the exterior factors and worrying about myself first changed everything. 

It truly is you vs you and if you aren’t aligned within- your energy will remain out of balance everywhere. 

Internally and externally. 

I felt a lot of guilt with that at first and that had me rerouting my old beliefs. 

I had to believe deep down that taking care of myself would not only build the life of my dreams, but it would make me better for everyone in my life. 

If I kept letting others’ opinions override my own, I knew that I would remain in a life that didn’t suit me. 

I would never live my life. 

I would never find my peace. 

That felt like the ultimate waste of my time here. 

If I wanted the life of my dreams- it was up to me to do the hard things to get there. 

The more I reminded myself to stay present, the calmer my world became. 

I worried less. 

Stressed less. 

The more my relationship with myself thrived, the more fulfilling all of my relationships became. 

The more I loved being in my life. 

When I was constantly looking at how much farther I had to go, it felt so easy to quit. 

But this isn’t a journey with a finish line. 

This is a journey that never ends. 

Every single day is a moment to put yourself into action.

Our lives are all about what we do with them. 

No matter the story, it is ours to make something beautiful with it. 

Here, there is no failing because there is no quitting. 

Even if it doesn’t work out- you find yourself rerouting, readjusting, taking the lessons and failing forward with them. 

This is what it’s all about.