When the Outcome Becomes the Obstacle 

“You’ve got to just trust the process.”

I’ve heard this, I’ve said this- I’ve believed this all the way through for so long – but damn it’s easy to get rocked out of trust. 

Things seem to stack up and life starts to feel really heavy and trusting that this is all for something feels ridiculous in the moment. 

And for me- it’s never just that. My body starts to quit on me when my mind starts to quit on me – so even when I want to keep powering through- everything literally stops me in my tracks. 

Pain is everywhere on my body. 

My brain feels like it’s on fire. 

Keeping my head up and my eyes open feels impossible. 

When all I need is a break, everything seems to want to break. 

But that’s kind of the point? Isn’t it? 

Everytime I find myself focusing so hard on need – it causes it all to break. 

Begging for something to give – seems to truly generate more lack.

Then I find myself in my current reality screaming into the void but going nowhere. 

It’s exhausting. 

But it all points to one truth that I can see. 

I have a tendency to keep myself in the energy of lack.

The way I respond to my current reality can lock me into the very loops I am trying so hard to leave.

Each and every time I dive a little deeper here – into my own responsibility of my reality, it’s always a hard pill to swallow. 

For a long time- I looked for every piece of evidence that contradicted that fact. 

I wasn’t trying to keep myself stuck, in fact I was doing everything NOT to keep myself stuck. 

How could one tough moment lead to sealing in this fate forever? 

Except it wasn’t one tough moment. 

It was a lot of unconscious energy running in the background. 

It was moments of alignment with more moments of effort and with even more moments of denial. 

I find myself diving in deeper because at the end of the day I don’t care if I am right or wrong- I care if I can find a truth that can land deeply enough to change me. 

Change my core. 

Change my beliefs. 

Change my reality. 

I am looking for the truth that seals in the understanding that breaks the loop, the patterns- and sets me more free. 

I am meeting my resistance head on. 

I think of all the times I highlighted what I needed to feel free. 

I think of all the times that I put that outcome on a pedestal and allowed it to feel so far away. 

I think of all the times that I allowed myself to feel defeated by everything that was around me currently, instead of feeling grateful. 

All the times that I gave that outcome all of the power. 

All of the times I set myself up to feel nothing but failure. 

It is true, I am the source of resistance, but I am also the source of change. 

 I know that I am not alone in this. 

I’d wager that anyone reading this could say the same. 

I find more beauty in that understanding than anything else, because if I can change this, we all can. 

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

• What outcome is currently sitting on your pedestal? 
• Who do you envision becoming if you had that outcome? 
• What is different about you then than in your current reality?

Watch the conversation that inspired the reflection here: