The Fight I Didn’t Know I Was Having

Yesterday I talked about seeing where my emotions were quietly creeping in. 

I talked about changing my awareness from what was wrong- to where I could have caught it and changed it sooner. 

For a while, I was getting a lot of opportunities to see where my emotions were going off the rails. 

But I was missing the fact that they were opportunities. 

Opportunities to teach me. 

To expand me. 

To invite me to do something different. 

Instead, it felt like the lesson was bombarding me. 

My focus drifted from where I could make a change because I was so overwhelmed. 

Without even realizing it, my focus moved right back to what was wrong. 

This back and forth felt like emotional whiplash, and I found myself begging life for a break. 

Just give me something easy. 

Something fun. 

Something that doesn’t feel so heavy. 

What I couldn’t see was that life was already giving me a little bit of everything. 

I just didn’t understand how my unconscious energy was working. 

I couldn’t fully grasp that the way I was thinking – and the way I was feeling –  was keeping me braced for the next bad thing. 

It took really diving into my patterns before I could begin to see what was happening. 

I was still pretending. 

I was pretending that I was taking it all in. 

But really…

I was staying maxed out. 

Awareness was only taking me so far….

Or was it? 

I started to realize I felt the same internally as I did during a heated argument.

I was arguing with myself. 

I had never looked at it that way before. 

I always told myself I was just thinking things through. 

But I wasn’t. 

I was criticizing myself. 

I was criticizing the situation. 

I was criticizing life as it unfolded. 

I was winding myself up. 

No wonder some days felt like anything could set me off. 

No wonder I was always bracing. 

I wasn’t only bracing for what life might do next. 

I was bracing for the way I was talking to myself. 

That Breealization changed everything. 

Because if I was the one creating part of that tension… 

Then I could also become the one who softened it. 

Not by pretending everything was okay. 

Not by forcing positive thoughts. 

But by noticing when I started arguing with myself…

And choosing curiosity over criticism. 

Little by little, my nervous system began believing that I was a safe space to land. 

And maybe that’s where so much of our healing begins. 

Not when life gets quieter. 

But when we do. 

Reflection Questions: 

• How do you speak to yourself when things don’t go as planned?
• Are you bracing for life… or are you bracing for your own inner dialogue?
• What would change if you responded to yourself with curiosity instead of criticism?
• What is one thought you could soften today? 

Watch the convo that inspired this reflection here: