The Calm After the Energy

I don’t know if this is a manifestor thing, or if everyone embodies this, but after a really big project – I am absolutely wiped. 

Sometimes, before I even finish it the energy drains. 

I have nothing left to give. 

This is one of my biggest hurdles in entrepreneurship and honestly, life in general. 

Sometimes I feel like I need a team to really become what it is that I am striving for, and other times I feel like the only way is to push through and make it happen on my own. 

Who else feels like this? 

The constant push and pull between 2 completely opposite worlds. 

Maybe it’s just about bridging the gap. 

Finding the in-between that works for me. 

But for now, I observe. 

For now, I learn to observe without judgment. 

Without punishment. 

Without beating myself up. 

For now, I know that I am only here to see. 

Not fix. 

Not change. 

Just see. 

Understand. 

Let it be. 

And keep going. 

It’s hard enough to see it and not want to immediately jump in to change it. 

But that’s what this part is all about. 

Being able to learn from it without judgment. 

Without harming myself. 

Without feeling like I am falling short. 

That was the pattern I was in before. 

See it- blame myself. 

See it and think of all the ways I am failing. 

All the ways that I will never be what I need. 

I was harming myself in the most painful way. 

I wasn’t letting myself be human. 

I wasn’t letting myself enjoy the process of growth. 

I wasn’t allowing myself to love myself without conditions. 

I had a lot of conditions and they all revolved around being successful in the eyes of others. 

And I could never be successful enough. 

I would never be enough. 

But that didn’t truly come from the opinions of others. 

It came from my assumptions of society. 

And sure, maybe society would respond the way that I feared.

But it was me who allowed myself to believe it was true. 

It was me who kept myself in a holding pattern. 

It was me who kept myself stuck. 

But now, I create- and when my energy is absorbed and needs to be recharged, 

I recharge. 

I allow myself the opportunity to feel invigorated by what has come to fruition. 

I allow myself the opportunity to put it down and I trust that I will pick it back up when I am ready for the next phase. 

I allow myself to switch gears. 

I allow myself the space to trust. 

Trust the process. 

Trust the journey. 

Trust in myself. 

Because not even we can see what all of this will become in the future. 

When I stopped requiring myself to have constant energy in order to believe that I was becoming successful, something inside of me relaxed. 

I shut off the pressure. 

The bullying. 

The hate. 

I stopped feeling like I was choking on nothing all the time. 

I stopped living beneath an impossible bar that I knew I would never reach. 

And instead, I started appreciating every single thing I accomplished on a much grander scale. 

I stopped measuring everything by what I hadn’t done yet. 

I started seeing everything that I had. 

Now I let it ride. 

Now I thank the entire becoming. 

Reflection Questions

• Where in your life do you bully yourself? 
• Has rushing / forcing outcomes enhanced or hurt you? 
• What happens when you allow yourself more space to enjoy the whole journey? 

Watch the convo that inspired the reflection here: