Dear little love,

What a beautiful life I am living. 

I woke up this morning and went out to watch the sunrise over the mountains. 

It’s so quiet and beautiful in the desert. 

As I soaked in the breathtaking scenery, I was reminded that my present is something that I had wished, begged, and prayed for, for the majority of my life. 

Being somewhere warm, scenic and where I could swim outside in the winter- that was what got me through all those brutal midwest winters. 

I clung to the thought that my future self was warm and happy. 

I took it one day at a time and told myself, just a little bit longer. 

Now here I am. 

My future self.  

I am 4 days into the year and I have already proven to myself that I am capable of everything that I dream of. 

Self doubt has vanished. 

The understanding that I am enough and have everything that I need within has dissipated my future fears. 

I am a firm believer that healing has changed my entire life. 

I think of my past like snow globes on a shelf.

I used to feel like versions of myself were trapped in them. 

They all showed different moments of my life that I didn’t like to revisit. 

Those versions of me were stuck in emotional turmoil in places that I didn’t want to be. I knew that they didn’t know how to get out. 

It wasn’t fun to look back at them.

It was sad. 

When I think back to my past now, I feel differently. 

I think about the beautiful times. 

The times that I was strong. 

The times that we were all learning. 

The lessons that we found. 

The ways we always created light for one another.

I was never alone the way I had thought. 

I was just focusing on the wrong parts.

I unintentionally got stuck in the hurt, stuck in the fears. 

I have learned that is okay though. 

I learned there too. 

The parts that hurt me, challenged me. 

Experiencing grief so intimately made me understand the importance of living so fully. 

All of it connected me to where I am going. 

The snowglobes shifted. 

Those versions of me are happy now.  

She’s with her favorite people in her favorite places. 

She’s loved. 

She’s safe. 

Healing her protected her. 

It was everything I always searched  for. 

Healing the past changed my present. 

Changing my present opened up my future. 

I spent so many years thinking that I needed to go somewhere, find someone, hear something, read something, whatever it was, I needed to find it so that I could figure out how to heal. 

What was the magic sauce? 

Turns out it’s actually pretty easy when you let it be. 

I had everything that I needed the entire time. 

I understand why I was making it hard. 

I didn’t know that I was resisting the unknown. 

I didn’t know any of the things that I know now. 

But now that I do, it’s all forward. 

If it’s not building, it’s not staying. 

If I could go back and build a little cheat sheet for my former self, I would write it just like this: 

Blueprint to my past self: 

1. SLOW DOWN: Seriously sister. I need you to slow tf down. You run at 100 MPH all the time. I know it’s fun a lot of the time- but you can be fun without your emotions spiraling out. You don’t need to prove anything. You don’t need to do it all. The best way to feel amazing CONSISTENTLY without all those rollercoaster highs and lows is to sit and breathe. 10 minutes every single day. 5 minutes in the morning. 5 minutes at night. Lay down in the bed- on the couch- in the kitchen- WHATEVER. Just take it seriously and make sure that you are still. Allow yourself to be aware of your breath for a quick 10 minutes of your day. You’ve got 24 hours. You have the time. Prioritize. 

2. MOVE: When you don’t feel like doing it- DO IT ANYWAY. It will help you substantially to put your feelings into movement in all shapes and forms. Find what feels the best and lean all in. You will be so happy that you did. 

3. YOU FIRST: In the not so great moments with others, think about what you could have done better first. When you find yourself focused on what they did to hurt you- reroute your thoughts to how you could have communicated better, how you could have created a kinder outcome, look at what you could do differently going forward so that you can continuously have better interactions with others. Your thoughts matter. They build your whole world. Make your head somewhere you want to be. 

4. PAVE YOUR PATH: The stuff that people don’t understand is the stuff that is meant for you! Listen to yourself. You know what to do. You are paving paths. It won’t always be perfect or smooth sailing and people will challenge you in the wildest ways, but you will always find yourself prevailing. Even when you are failing your way forward. Keep going. It’ll work itself out as it should. 

5. WRITE: Stop burning / deleting / ripping up the things that you write! You will become the successful writer that you dream of being! It will be even better than you imagined and the things you write will light your soul on fire! You live a life so passionate, creative and BONUS! You will be surrounded by inspiration. Love yourself. Trust yourself. Like Bob Marley says, “Every little thing- is gonna be alright”. 

6. HAVE FUN: You are better than you know at everything you do. Lean into your natural ability to not only thrive but to also make it fun. If it feels good – flow with it. Everything you do is with good intentions. Everything works out. Relax. Soak it all in. That is the way to a happy past, a successful future, and a present, present. 

Your life is good. 

The more you intentionally recognize that fact, the more fulfilling it all becomes. 

You are enough. 

You will always have what you need. 

Breathe. 

I am so thankful that I never quit. 

I am so grateful that my spark reignits for this life over and over and over again. 

Nothing meant for you will miss you.

I am living proof of that. 

Keep trying and keep believing. 

The little things will truly build the big things. 

You are capable of consistency so remember to  consistently remind yourself of that. 

It all works out better than you dreamed.