DAY 12 

Mantra: “Don’t let ANYONE dull your shine.”

Today is the first day of my weekend and I am so ready for it. I will be editing book 3, moving my body, soaking in the sun and loving on my life. 

That’s the game plan. 

Every single cell of me is ready to finish this book. 

Most of you don’t know this, but I have been writing pieces of this story since I was a kid. 

It holds some of the hardest spaces that I have ever been in and some of the deepest loss that I have ever experienced. 

Loss of self, loss of love, loss of life. 

That’s the thing about the hardest stories to share. 

They take a long time to truly process. 

And even after you process, you will find more that lies within. 

A story like this never leaves you. 

I thought that meant that book 3 would never make its way to the world, but that isn’t the case. 

I am ready, and it feels so different than ever before. 

Not only was the story itself almost impossible for me to write, but I was stuck in a freeze state on top of it. 

I could hear all the mean words – all the opinions- all the assumptions. 

The people that made this story extra hard to write were once incredibly important to me. 

They were some of the main characters in my life up until I found out how much hate they had for me behind my back. 

People pretending to care for you is an awful feeling. 

I write about the impact we have on each other a lot because I see it all the time. Not just in my life- but in everyone’s lives. 

I could not possibly count all of the times that someone has needed to talk to me because of a broken heart. 

The way that people tear others down and shit on their dreams, the things that spark them – instead of lighting them up is absolutely wild to me. 

I had a lot of my life where I was mean- but I was mean to the mean people. 

That felt different. 

It wasn’t right but it was survival. 

It was either let them tear me down- or tear them down. 

One of us had to win. 

I was better at hurting them than they were at hurting me. 

This path harden my soul. The walls I built were practically impossible to penetrate. 

And my way of being mean- hit them hard. It got them to leave me alone. 

It didn’t fix anything for me like I thought it would though. 

It took me farther away from everything that I loved and desired. I was disconnected from myself and it left me spinning in my thoughts and in my background. 

I was constantly replaying the things that made me feel awful on the inside and trying to justify them. 

That made me feel worse, but I pretended that it made me feel better. 

I caused a huge rift between who I am- who I was – and where I was going. 

I also viewed everything as a threat. I was always prepared to fight

I was completely out of alignment. 

As is anyone who still operates this way. 

I truly believe that the most damaging energy is fear wrapped in anger. The worst part about it is that the ones that move in that energy hurt so many people in their everyday actions and don’t see it. 

Not even a little bit. 

They have been pretending and justifying their actions for so long that they don’t understand how much damage they are doing to others. 

That is a big part of why it took me so long to write book three and actually get it ready to publish. 

I had to get out of my freeze state. I had to face that I was afraid of all the same bullies that kept me quiet all the way back then. I was afraid of them taking something so important to my soul and shitting on it. 

Because, they will, but that’s okay. 

They are not my job. 

Taking care of myself is my job. 

I bring my thoughts back to the people that matter. 

They help me recognize when I am starting to freeze. 

I change my thoughts to  all the love they bring to my life. All of the support that they have shown me over the years. All the times we have laughed so hard we cried.

I think about all  the people that are trying, just like I am, to dive into the life of our dreams. The ones healing deeply internally. The ones breaking generational traumas and old patterns. The ones that tell me how much what I do matters. 

They are the ones that get my attention. 

They are my present. 

I remember that I have built a world on love and kindness. 

I am not that same girl anymore. 

I don’t live in that world anymore. 

The miserable will stay miserable until they decide to change it. 

Until they decide to start the quest to their own inner peace. 

It’s not for me to make them chase their dreams. 

It’s not for me to change the way they speak and move. 

My only job is to continue my own quest to my own inner peace. 

Lucky for me, that is this path.

It’s being wildly vulnerable and confident about it. 

It’s finding the lessons. 

It’s sharing the stories. 

It’s doing the hard things. 

It’s remembering that I started this for me. 

I started this to help every single person that relates to my words. 

I started this to be who I needed when I didn’t know this version of myself. 

It’s my time to shine.