DAY 3

MANTRA: ” I won’t be afraid to accomplish what I know I can do!”

Today is a test day. 

I am running on very little, and not great, sleep.

Will I still prioritize myself and check off all I want to accomplish when my brain and body are both in agreement that they don’t want to do it today? 

These are the days that I have previously almost always allowed myself to fall off track. 

I would lay around all day. 

I would become even more tired and moody if anything required brain power or movement.

I would seal it in that a lazy day was what I needed. 

I leaned on all of my excuses. 

But was it really what I needed? 

Nothing that I am asking daily of myself, is unachievable.

Even on the tired days.

I am learning so much in the three days that I have been doing 75 Hard. I cannot even fathom what day 75 will look like at this pace. 

Yesterday I had so many breakthroughs that led me straight to the understanding of what I am doing with book three. 

It was absolute magic. 

I was out in the desert playing on the hills, soaking in the scenery, and talking about life. 

It was perfect. 

Awareness and gratitude poured into my body as I thought to myself “ another day full of feeling grateful, how lucky am I?” 

My insides were swooning for this life I am living. 

Book three has been sitting untouched for well over a year. 

I wrote the entire thing and even sent it out for edits.

Then nothing. 

I hit a solid wall. 

I knew in my soul that it wasn’t done. 

I knew that there were missing pieces. 

This is one of the hardest stories that I have ever told and no matter how I put it together, I knew this wasn’t it. 

I couldn’t do it justice because I didn’t have all of the information yet. 

That notion felt ridiculous because I have been sitting on this for years. 

What else was I going to learn? 

What was I waiting for?

Yesterday, awareness flooded my senses and went straight to the book.

That’s what I was waiting for. 

 I love the day when so many things click at once, but it is also a lot to process and I have found that if I don’t take the time to seal them in and apply them to my life, I will likely lose pieces of that information for now. 

I don’t need to fret because I have enough experience to know and trust that it will always come back and teach me again in new ways no matter how many times I need to relearn these lessons. 

They will appear in new forms. 

Life is always aware if I got the lesson or not because my thoughts and actions will align with what I understand, not with what I think I know. 

Finishing this book is everything to me. 

It feels like I have been sent here for this reason. 

This is the thing that changes everything about the way we view life, death, loss and living. 

The more I process through writing, the more I connect these lessons in other areas of my life. 

That is truly how it works. 

One lesson is not just for one area. 

It’s for all of them. 

Where you find disconnect, you will find it all over your life. 

That’s my favorite place to be. It means that I have learned enough to start applying it and I can change every area of my life with small habits and thoughts. 

I realize that I am in another beginning. 

I am putting things into action and learning what life looks like when I do. 

This part is always fun for me. It’s like trying something scary for the first time and it turns out to be exhilarating in the best way that makes you want to do it over and over and over again. 

It also makes me want to try everything that scared me before that moment. 

What else is hiding in my fears!? 

I want to dive in head first.  

Looking back at my life and applying everything that I just took in yesterday, I can see where I can use this new information in every piece of my life. 

I see it in my hearing loss, my relationships, my careers, school, I see it in every single moment that I have ever felt threatened and quit. 

I see it in every moment that I have let my emotions defeat me and tell me things that weren’t true. 

My life looks like it does because of how I reacted to so many hard moments. 

That is the truth. 

The best part about it though is now that I realize this so clearly, I can change the way I feel about things, and about myself. 

I can reroute everything.

Take what just happened to me with school. 

(Scam U is up on the blog if you don’t know what I am talking about). 

For over a decade I fought for justice. Most of that was in my head because I thought that I had exhausted every resource at the beginning of the fight. 

7 months ago, I decided to try one more time and that time changed everything. 

The timing was perfect. 

The school had recently been sued. 

A lot of other students who had been in my shoes banded together and took them down. 

It made the higher ups see my case differently now. Everything that I had been saying for over a decade, they now knew was true. 

Because those students told their story, it changed mine. 

(Please take a moment to soak in JUST HOW POWERFUL that is. This is the perfect example of what I always say about how impactful and important it is for everyone to be able to share their stories, experiences, and our unique perspectives. It is what connects us and holds the key to our dreams.) 

Now that school legally has to make it right, it also means that if I choose, I can finish my bachelors degree with another school. 

That means that as long as I choose to do it and actually do the work, I could have everything that I have been so devastated about losing. 

I never needed to fret. 

I was always meant to enjoy what was in front of me and trust in the process. 

That is easier said than done, but now I have concrete proof that this is true.

Looking back I can see that I have always had proof of this- I just wouldn’t allow myself to see it in the hard spaces. 

I was building my own narrative and being patient and accepting of what was happening, wasn’t what I wanted at the time. 

I wanted to force my way through. 

When I look back at who I was then, I wasn’t ready. 

I can see it so clearly now as tough as I acted, on the inside- I had so much quit in me. 

I can’t really know what would have been because that isn’t how it happened.

All I can do is trust my story and use it to build something beautiful. A place where I can continue to learn and if I’m really lucky, inspire others along the way. 

Just because it didn’t happen then doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be. 

It means that life has been waiting for me to stop giving up on the things that matter. 

Life was helping me build my confidence and learn to lead my emotions instead of being led through my life by them. Life was teaching me to believe in myself and my abilities. 

Life was showing me that it truly is a partnership and we have to trust each other through all of it. 

Back then I wanted titles for proof. 

Now it’s about the information. 

I want to learn everything that I can. 

I want to absorb it like a sponge and have fun with it. 

I want to learn it in ways that excite me and I want to pave new paths with it. 

It takes me deeper in my understanding and sets my soul on fire. 

I want it for myself. It feels like me. 

That is a reason to want something. 

That is where your beliefs form strongly about yourself. 

The path here has taught me that I am capable of everything I want and more. 

I am capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. 

Of course I could do all of this. 

Of course I can pave big paths. 

Of course I can do anything and everything I desire. 

This is why it can come together now. 

This is why miracles can happen. 

I never actually quit trying like I previously thought. 

Every hard thing that has happened in my life led me to healing my internal world. 

Every experience took me where it did so that as I healed, I could start to create my exterior world. 

I have spent a lot of my time here being hurt, and another big part of my life healing. 

Now I get to spend the rest of my life living. 

Test me. 

I am ready. 

On the good days. 

On the hard days. 

On the sleepy days. 

All of them.

I am ready.