Day 4 

MANTRA: “I am not meant to be ordinary!”

So far, day 4 is the hardest for me to get out of this bed!

I feel like I need 4 more hours of sleep. 

I know though, that if I don’t knock out some of these things this morning, it will be extra hard to fit them all in later. 

So far I have been able to remind myself through all the hard moments why I am doing this, why it is so important, why I need to get up and get moving, and it has worked. 

The last 2 days- writing out how important it is has completely changed how I am moving. 

I may have started off the last two days sluggish with all the excuses to quit in the world, and today I even moved my alarm back half an hour, really dancing a fine line, but here I am. 

I didn’t let it all stop me. I grabbed my computer, and I let my fingers fly. 

Instead of quitting, I put one thing into action that would help me  remember why I started. 

Our reason for doing things is so powerful. We don’t start or do anything without a reason why. 

When I started paying more attention to why I do the things I do- I felt like my understanding of everything started shifting. 

I could see all the places that I was doing things because I felt like I had to or a swarm of negative feelings would flood their way in. 

I could also see that was a sure fire way to keep myself stuck in all of the habits that I wasn’t trying to stay stuck in. It was where all of the things that weighed me down were and all of the things that kept me feeling awful about living. 

I started shifting the way I responded.

The first step was not giving an answer right away. 

Instead of blurting out whatever I felt like I needed to say in the moment, I started saying “let me feel it out and get back to you.” 

If I felt it out and my stronger feeling was no, I would figure out why. 

If that answer better served the life I was building, I wouldn’t stick with my answer. 

The next part was not feeling guilty or bad for saying no or for choosing something better suited for me. 

That meant I couldn’t let myself talk myself into the opposite answer. 

That was the part that was really tough for me to do. 

I didn’t realize how great I was at talking myself out of the things that I knew I needed.
I knew why I needed it, but I also knew why I “should” do it and the “should” part of my brain had been running the show for years and it wasn’t ready to give up control. 

I knew that if I wanted big shifts in my life it was going to take consistent small shifts to make it happen. 

I had to hang on to my initial why, and I had to keep my promises to myself before anything else. 

I had to completely change my way of thinking. 

Baby steps. 

It took a lot of reminding myself to look only at what is being rerouted right now- and stick with it. 

I kept telling myself to keep the thoughts about the journey small instead of focusing on “the end”. 

There is no end. 

There are only small changes. 

Keep your attention present. 

Rerouting my thoughts when they wanted to spiral, judge me and force me to stay in the life that I was trying so hard to break free from meant a lot of pausing, breathing and reminding myself of those very things. 

Some days, I felt like all I was doing was pausing, breathing and trying to keep my mouth shut.

I did it though and I celebrated myself every single time I did. 

I kept moving through it. 

And I was surprised because the more that I kept it up, the less my body wanted to react while I was emotional. 

The more my body started to crave letting those moments pass because I knew what I wanted. I knew why I wanted it. 

For the first time in my life, I was truly starting to take care of myself. 

That felt good enough for me to keep going. 

That is why on day 4 of 75 hard and I really really reallllllly wanted to curl back up into a ball and close my eyes, I didn’t.  I knew that going back to sleep wasn’t really going to help me today. 

Instead, I allowed myself extra time to lay in bed. 

Make this into a win. 

I gave myself ten minutes to meditate on what was going on before I did anything. 

Then I grabbed my laptop and wrote it all out. 

I felt different today. I didn’t have the motivation I had the last few days and I realized what was different. The things I do that make myself feel great, felt like a chore today. 

I woke up thinking about everything on the list and I let it drain me. 

I was thinking about everything I didn’t want to do today. 

I was thinking about the long game. 

The whole thing. 

“I still have 71 more days of this.”

“I still have 2 45 minute workouts I have to do.” 

“I still have 4 bottles of water to drink.” 

“I need to study, and read, and write, and record, and allll of these other things while having another full work day on top of it.” 

“My body feels extra sore.”

“My mind feels extra tired.”

That’s when it hit me. 

All the times that my weight, the way I ate, and the way I worked out fluctuated, was in this way of thinking. 

All the times I went back and forth in relationships, jobs, love, life and I got stuck in a freeze state and couldn’t make a decision… it was all in here. 

This is why it was all so hard. 

It was me. 

My thoughts changed the way I felt and how I moved in everything.

If I wanted something different, I had to start with me. 

I immediately shifted my thoughts to gratitude and I started thinking about how much this blog has lit up my soul. How life changing it has been to step up to the challenge of writing from the soul every single day. 

I thought about every single thing that lights me up. 

I have A LOT of things that are lighting me up these days and that recognition felt incredible. 

I started really waking up. 

I grabbed my laptop and wrote about it from my bed. 

I made it a win-win for myself. 

Here I am, wrapping up my blog for the day and I can feel that the fog has lifted.

I am awake. 

I am ready.
I am in action.  

Even when I had a million excuses, I was able to reroute them. 

That shows me how far I have come. 

It also shows me that I am ready to keep going. 

The key to success is about our emotions and our thoughts. 

For so long I searched for external sources for success but it was never on the outside. 

The key to success was always within.