Peace Begins With Me

Some days are harder than others. 

I wrote this at a time when everything felt wrong and I couldn’t shake what I was going through because I couldn’t get out of my head. 

I needed to break the thought loops so I wrote it out. I found my way to a reroute. 

I am sharing this today with hopes that it will help you break your own loops and remember just how magical you truly are. 

Even when it doesn’t feel like it. 

I am sharing this today to show that other pathways exist when you allow them to. We don’t have to stay stuck. 

You can always find your way through, even when it feels impossible. 

You are not alone. 

Not knowing anything, is such a weird place to be. 

I moved away from everything that I have ever known. 

I was convinced that this whole big life existed out here. 

That this journey would move mountains. 

Everything I craved for so long, would come true.  

Now I am here. 

I feel so disoriented. 

I feel like I am in the wrong place, yet I have no idea where I am supposed to be. 

My home is no longer my home in any sense.

I could go back, but that feels wrong. 

I could stay here, but that feels wrong. 

Living in this RV feels wrong. 

Living in Arizona feels wrong. 

I feel like I am just getting through. 

I am making the best of it while feeling in my soul like everything is wrong. 

I feel frozen. 

Unable to make any decisions that tell me what I should be doing. Where I should be going. 

I feel isolated yet zero desire to go make a connection with anyone. 

I am feeling the lack of resources, finances, energy, connectivity, drive- all of it. 

I can’t look backwards for where I am going because I have never been here before, and I have no idea what is coming. 

No idea what I am looking for. 

No idea what I am doing. 

Where I am going. 

I feel completely lost. 

I want to hibernate and break out all at the same time. 

Something big needs to break through instead of breaking down. 

I guess though that the break downs, are the breakthroughs. 

They just don’t feel like that at this moment. 

I miss my people. 

I miss everything that I thought would be that wasn’t. 

There’s a lot of things that I don’t miss, but those don’t seem to outweigh what I do miss today. 

I wish I was braver. 

I wish I was more capable. 

I wish I had enough money that I didn’t have to worry and I could go anywhere I wanted anytime. 

Explore. 

Be free. 

I wish that I was free more than anything. The feeling swells in the center of my chest. 

What would I do with it?
What can I do to make that happen? 

Who am I when I am all alone? 

Why am I so doubtful of my capabilities? 

So often I KNOW that I am designed for this life I am building, yet I still find myself not moving forward. 

What am I so afraid of? 

My mentors and the people that love me tell me that I have the answers, yet I feel like I don’t. 

I am going to be okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. 

This is just a moment and this moment isn’t true. 

This is a moment of fear that needs to be heard. If I can’t acknowledge it, I can’t heal it. 

I am right where I need to be today. 

What do I know that is true? 

I know that I am going to be better than okay because I know that I always find my way. 

This is my time to reroute. 

This is my time to do this differently. 

I find my way through. 

That means today, I have to do things differently. 

Not tomorrow, not next time this feeling hits. 

This moment is about right now. 

I must stop moving from the past, and stressing about the future. 

I need to figure out something new. 

I sit and meditate and remember that peace begins with me. 

I breathe in. 

I breathe out. 

Peace.

Begins. 

With. 

Me.

I breathe in. 

I breathe out. 

Peace. 

Begins. 

With. 

Me. 

I do this until I feel calm. 

I remember all the times that life had me thinking I would never make it out, and I honor every single time that I made it out. 

I remember that I have always had all the tools within me, even when it felt like I didn’t. 

When I needed them, they were right there. 

I remind myself that life and I are friends. We can communicate. We can build. We can move mountains.

Things don’t have to make sense right now. Things don’t have to feel perfect. 

I remember that I trust in the timing of my life and that nothing meant for me will miss me. 

I remember that I trust myself. 

Even though it doesn’t feel perfect today, I remember- I have always been able to rely on myself. 

There are lessons in everything and I am a master at unfolding them and turning them into magic. 

Today was just a hard day, but I am here. 

I hold everything within that I need. 

Peace. 

Begins. 

With. 

Me.