Waking Up Naturally.

I have been waking up extra early to give myself time in the morning to meditate, hydrate, workout, write, and learn. 

I’ve been using my mornings to connect deeply with the thing that makes me feel more like me and align me with more of the life that I desire. 

I absolutely love the process and everything that I am finding within it.  I often find myself wishing that I had even more time to do more and find myself waking up ready to jump in. 

I am the most productive and have the easiest time staying consistent when I start my mornings like this. 

I mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually understand that this is the best path for me. 

Which is why I want to talk about how hard it still is to get out of that warm, comfy bed in the morning. 

Especially right now. 

It’s so cold in the morning that I want to stay wrapped up in my literal blanket of warmth. 

I have had plenty of mornings where I drug myself out of bed late, regretting it every time that I inevitably didn’t have enough time. 

It put a dip in my mood and I found myself feeling a bit resentful at the things I “have” to do. 

This is how I found these thought loops and I was able to start understanding that I was creating this turmoil in my life by focusing on things in that way. I always had way more that I “had” to do, than I wanted to do. 

There was a long part of my life that I couldn’t get out of these loops, but I could see them so clearly now. 

I had been chronically stuck feeling like my life would be full of “have to’s” taking away from my “want to’s” if I didn’t do something about it. 

This loop would keep me feeling like my life would never be my own if I didn’t make it my own. 

It would keep me depressed and on an emotional rollercoaster of high-highs and low- lows if I didn’t take the reins and responsibility for myself. 

I tried everything that I knew how to do. 

I started with the easiest path and tried to pretend that none of it was happening. I tried to pretend it all away with fake positivity. 

That would work for a while- but ultimately, I would break. 

I felt like a fraud. A liar. Like none of this was true. 

I needed out of my whole life. 

Dramatic. 

That wasn’t what I needed at all. 

Honestly, I needed to calm my thoughts down. 

When the easy path didn’t work, I felt overwhelmed because I honestly didn’t know what I was looking for- where I was going, or what I wanted. 

It felt like it would take way more work than I was capable of. 

I had to face the facts. 

I wasn’t creating time for the life I wanted, so the life that I didn’t want was creating time for me. 

I was so busy worrying that I wasn’t capable enough, consistent enough, that it would be more work than I could handle- that I wasn’t even acknowledging everything that I had already handled. I wasn’t seeing that I was already the things that I thought I wasn’t. 

My thoughts and emotions were out of whack. 

Not me as a whole. 

I just had to own it and heal within myself. 

I needed to stop waiting and dive in. 

I needed to test myself and see what I was really made of. No more guessing. It was time for doing. 

I dove into a lot of things that I wanted to build on, and as proud as I was of myself for making all these amazing moves, I was realizing that I was really hard on myself. 

Nothing felt like it was moving fast enough and my impatience had me doubting my abilities, a lot. 

How did I not see this before? 

While I was doing a lot better and making solid choices in my life, I was still struggling with getting stuck in my head which greatly impacted my ability to stay consistent. 

I also noticed that my body vibrated with nervous energy. 

Even when I wasn’t aware of these thoughts, my body was. 

This was deeper than I realized. 

I traded one rollercoaster for another. 

This time, I was letting my mood kick me on and off track. I recognized this pattern and realized all the familiar feelings that no matter what I did, it would never be enough. Everything would lead me right back to here struggling forever. 

Then it hit me. The pattern is my thoughts. The pattern is the way I feel about myself and my life. 

I am not trusting the timing of my life. 

I am not trusting in myself. 

I was creating more of the feelings I didn’t want with my own thoughts and beliefs. 

I was stuck again but this time, deep down, I knew that it was the way I was treating myself. 

Nothing changed until my relationship with myself changed. 

I paused everything that I was building. I was going from the inside out this time. 

When I started prioritizing my relationship with myself, everything got better. 

I could see all the places I was unkind to myself- things that I wouldn’t do to others, I was doing to myself. I stopped it immediately.  I remembered who I was when I was little and finding my way in this world. I reminded myself of all of the things I needed back then, and I gave them to myself. 

I colored and danced more. I laughed and sang more. I took in nature, and soaked in my surroundings. I celebrated every little thing I did. 

I wasn’t holding back. 

I started moving my body in ways that felt good and I didn’t care how silly or strange I looked to anyone else. 

I was coming home.

I fell in love with myself and every piece of the story. 

I allowed myself to confidently, and unapologetically be myself. 

Nothing had ever felt like this before. 

I knew, this time, it was different. 

It was time to learn life through this lens. 

Even though I still struggle from time to time, and on my days off I often choose sleeping in over waking up early, I still have plenty of days where I am up extra early and moving easily. 

On those days, I do more. I celebrate. I naturally flow and it feels so good. 

On the harder days, I sleep in and I enjoy it. I savor it. 

I prioritize the things that make me feel great and do them throughout my day. I celebrate my commitment to myself and my ability to ebb and flow with life. 

I find gratitude for every piece of the journey because I know that it is all connected, and it all led me here. 

I can finally see that where I felt like I was failing, I was building.

All the times that I thought I wasn’t enough, I was learning. 

I was picking up more of what I needed to get here. 

I was never so far off track like I thought. 

My thoughts and emotions were tricking me into believing the worst. Fears that had been building my anxious background were running the show. 

I had a lot to take off of myself and let go of before I was truly able to fly. 

It was all a part of the process. 

I am exactly where I am meant to be and now I know that if I keep going- which, I know I will, it will all be exactly as it should. 

I am enough. 

I remind myself to trust in the timing of life and to enjoy the lessons. 

Building the life of your dreams is never ending and ever evolving. 

It’s the ride of a lifetime if you allow it to be. 

Be present, be aware and have fun. 

Life is meant for living.